Suckers for Soccer or Soccer's for Suckers? I've heard it both ways.

Although the women’s world cup just wrapped up last week and soccer will be forgotten about in this country until next summer’s Olympic Games in London, I am going to make you think about the sport for a little longer. Soccer, as a professional sport, may get its time to shine in the U.S. permanently one day, but not yet. The truth is we only follow it at World Cups, the Olympics or any time when we can cheer for our country against the other nations of the world, trying to flaunt our superiority- what Americans do best. As for professional soccer in the U.S. wellll it exists, but not really. Personally I would watch soccer anytime of the year but most other Americans would rather stare at an American football sitting on the ground than watch the world’s game of futbol on some big schnazzy screen. So I’m going to give 5 reasons why soccer is awesome as well as 5 reasons that it is the worst sport ever. Let’s start with the bad eh’.

Why Soccer Sucks

1.)Running/ Added time
There is nothing better than a last second shot in basketball or watching a field goal being made as time expires. In soccer the remaining added time is only known by one referee. Meaning the end of the game is unknown to spectators, the other refs or even the players. How stupid right? I will never ever ever understand the rest of the world’s reasoning for this style of play, but I doubt there is one. I don't know who started it, but I think the reasoning is to get the game moving. Which is a nice thought, but it doesn't help that matter much.

Also, why do you need to count up? Even if you want to have you’re “added time” system you could still count the regular time down and then the added time down as well. This way everyone knows how much time is remaining and it will add a little excitement to the game. Sure it won’t be a lot of excitement but most of the time soccer could use as much as it can get. Now back to running time, just stop the clock! I know, I know you want to keep the game moving but seriously how much time does it take to press a little button and make the clock stop ticking as the ball goes into the crowd or a player is hurt. I’m guessing some ridiculously small fraction of a second. So just stop the time and we can get rid of added time!

2.) Flopping

This is another reason that running time is ridiculous because some players will just milk the clock. Exhibit A: Erika from Brazil vs the U.S. a couple weeks ago. Just watch the video, it is completely ridiculous.

Floppers not only disadvantage the opponent if they take up time but can also get them a yellow card or a red card for something they didn’t do. Exhibit B: THIS VIDEO Watched it? ya, pretty pathetic! and even though these guys can't act any better than Arnold Schwarzenegger or Heidi Montag (they may be slightly better than Keanu Reeves) they usually get the call sadly.

3.)Men’s US team is bad
Our U.S. men’s team is just plain bad at soccer. We simply stink. Turns out we’ve hosted the World Cup as many times as we have placed in it. The 1994 World Cup was held in various locations throughout the U.S. and our team was knocked out in the round of 16, although we did end up losing to the champions- Brazil so yay!? The only time the U.S. placed in the World Cup was in it’s inaugural tournament in 1930. We took third. I'm going to label that as simply beginner’s luck.

As for the Olympic Games, well we’ve never placed. Wait never mind. Turns out we placed back in ’04. That year we took home the silver! Soooo that was only two Olympics ago, solid! That means in no time we should claim that GOLD! Wait, What? Not 2004, 1904? Never mind we stink.



4.)Beckham Invasion
When David Beckham shimmied over the pond to play for the LA Galaxy, everyone thought that this was the time for American Soccer. That is everyone except Americans, and probably Beckham. Let's be honest he just wanted some publicity and endorsement deals. He signed a little over 5 years ago and soccer is right where it started. Along with his Spice Girl, Victoria (Posh) Beckham by his side, they lit up the tabloids but it was enough zest to convert Americans over to the sport. Maybe a Spice-Girls reunion concert before each game would bring in some followers! I know I would be there jammin to Wannabe <- video :).... Well let’s hope Beck’s underwear line is doing better than his athletic appeal to Americans. Yes he has an underwear line, I didn't make that up. You know what they say- Brand it like Beckham!

5.)Peewee Soccer
I don’t believe I’ve ever actually been forced to watch such an atrocious sight of non-athleticism, but I truly feel for those who have had to. Even though I’ve never witnessed it I can about imagine. Kick the ball-everyone clumps together around the ball- kick it again- clump together- one kid breaks away- the goalie is twirling around trying to see his butt- wide open shot- the kid misses by 15 ft- repeat.

Why soccer is AWESOME

1.)Player’s Names
I don’t know why, but I think soccer players have awesome names. Maybe it’s because their announcers usually have some sort of accent so they sound cooler. Landon Donovan, Jozy Altidore, Clint Dempsey. Point proven? No, ok I’ll continue. Just look at the women’s world cup roster. Hope Solo, Abby Wambach, Shannon Boxx, Tobin Heath- the lamest name on the roster is Heather Mitts and that is only because with a name like that she shouldn't be a defender, but a goalkeeper!
 2.)Goal Celebrations
Thank goodness soccer players have nothing better to do than plan and rehearse post-goal celebrations. They are completely ridiculous but that is why I love them.

And yes, that dude in the second video just pretended to birth a soccer ball....

Of course the celebration isn’t always one that is choreographed. Take Brandi Cahstain after the world cup victory in 1999. Sure, she got some flak for ripping off her shirt and celebrating in her sports bra, but who cares it was in the moment and without knowing it she created a moment that will last in sports history. And what about Landon Donavon and Abby Wambach’s corner slides in the past two world cups. They both scored clutch goals to keep our cup hopes alive and both created iconic sports memories that will live on.
So maybe American sports organizations (cough cough NFL) can learn to loosen up and allow your players to celebrate a little bit. Sure you can fine idiots like Chad Ochocinco for keeping a pen in his shoe the entire game waiting until he scores to sign a ball. But what's it hurt for Jared Allen to tie a calf or for a little showboating in the endzone.


3.)Highlights
Soccer is most bearable in 2 minutes or less. That is where ESPN and SportsCenter come in. They show every goal usually (considering there are only like 2 or 3 on avg), the best saves and the bad calls. All you need to see. Plus I'll be the first one to admit that soccer players are some of the best athletes on earth just because they are in such good shape. They run around on a huge minute for 90+ minutes with only like 20-30 min half-time. The goals that are scored are usually very athletic and every now and then comes a BICYCLE KICK!!!

Sports Science taught me a little more about why it is so awesome, but I don't really care about the "science" of it I just wanna see more kicks like Wayne Rooney's!!!

(must be the hair plugs) ps turns out there's a website baldcelebrity.com

4.)World Sport
Even though America hasn’t jumped on the band-wagon, the rest of the world has been rockin’ out on the wagon for many many years. Soccer, well I guess in this paragraph I should call it by Futbol, Futbol is the most popular sport in the world. I know this because Wikipedia confirmed it for me! They tell me that over 250 million people play it in over 200 countries, which indeed makes it the most popular game on the planet. This is probably because all you really need to have to play it is some sort of spherical object to play.
If you want to read a good article about soccer and not my blog then check out this story that was in Sports Illustrated a couple years back. Unfortunately this site doesn't show all of the pictures that the article showed but they were amazzzing photographs if I recall. If you wanna check them out sometime the issue has been in my car's backseat for over a year.

5.)Support during world cup/Olympics
Sure we only support US soccer when big events come up, but the support surrounding these events is pretty big. The whole country kind of gets behind our teams, especially if they know we stand a chance. The media, celebrities, presidents all are backing our teams and the nation joins in. So basically the U.S. treats the sport like it is a holiday or birthday. If we celebrated the game in our country continuously these events would not be as special to our nation. Think about it, who cares about our American basketball team during the Olympics? Maybe this is just because we are expected to not only win every year but to dominate each team we play and score 120+ points. Still, our international soccer teams get more buzz than basketball, baseball, etc.

So maybe soccer is just fine the way it is in our country. I do like soccer, and always wished I could play it growing up. Like most girls in the 90's I wanted to be Mia Hamm for a day. But I'd be lying if I didn't say I wasn't primarily a fair-weather fan. So see you next summer USA soccer! I'll get my RW&B ready. Sorry for rambling. Thanks for reading.

Harry Potter Goes American

What if the beloved Harry Potter series were to hop across the pond to the good ole U S of A? Well for starters characters wouldn't go around "snogging" each other and Ronald Weasley wouldn't say "blimey" every time he was surprised. The movie itself would probably draw a huge amount of hype around it, be ridiculed by Potter fans worldwide then flop at the box-office giving everyone in the world another reason to hate America. But for a fun let's pretend like it would be the most ingenious idea ever and come up with a probable cast. Here are my thoughts on who loved play J.K Rowling's characters in an Americanized version of the HP and the Sorcerer's Stone.

Harry Potter (UK): Daniel Radcliffe
Danny boy has to be the perfect Harry Potter out there, in fact I'm sure 6% of his fans don't even know his real name. They just call him Harry because it is so fitting. Poor Harry, got to feel bad for that dude. Except for all his money and fame. Never mind if I was Harry, I'd just play Harry for the rest of my life. Except in the American version of the films. NOT ALLOWED! Sorry Harry. Shoot I've been doing it myself. Sorry Daniel. (Just doesn't sound right, does it?)

Harry Potter (US): Joel Courtney
Is this not the cutest 15 year old boy on the planet? If you haven't seen him in Super 8 yet you should. He completely nailed his first major acting role. Which is one reason why he is my Harry. Daniel was pretty much a newbie when he was cast as "the boy who lived" so why not young joel? May have to trim his Beiber bangs a bit so we can see the signature lightning scar but this kid is going to rack up in the box office someday. If not for his acting, then for his cuteness. Seriously go see Super 8. Just adorable.

Ronald Weasley (UK): Rupert Grint
I wish Rupert Grint was American so I could claim his as one of my fellow country-mates and so he could be in my pretend American Movie. This guy makes Ron the best character in the movies. His facial expressions and squeaky voice as he delivers his lines. Gotta Love him. "Follow the spiders, why couldn't it be follow the butt-a-flies" Awwww Ronald. Rupert fans, he has a bunch of projects he's working on. Not sure if any of them are big films but who cares. PS also check out him out in Wild Target with Emily Blunt (Devil Wears Prada).

Ronald Weasley (US): Grayson Russell
Since I have to replace Ron somehow, I guess I can do it with this kid. Best movie he's been in: Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby. He plays Texas Ranger Bobby, the loudmouth-cussing-brat turned angel by Jane Lynch. Why Ron? I don't know. He has red hair, that's about it. Also, the best parts of Talladega Nights were the scenes with him in it. Show-stealer, just like Rupe! "ANARCHY! ANARCHY!
I don't know what that means, but I LOVE it"

Hermione Granger (UK): Emma Watson
Everyone's favorite half-blood, Hermione Granger. Emma Watson chopped her hair off after her Hermione days so even if I wanted to pretend she was American (since she came her for college) and put her in my blog, I don't think I could anymore. 







Hermione Granger (US): Chloe Moretz
 I had no idea who to cast for Hermione. So this works right? It will be a bit of a role change from Hit Girl in Kick-Ass but she looks like Hermione, maybe. Slap some big teeth on her like the character is suppose to poof her hair out like she's been tased and we'll call it good. Plus she's already got the pretty Hermione (book 5 and beyond) down. Pretty sure she is some kind of young tween model or something.




Rubeus Hagrid (UK):Robert Coltrane
The only giant I love more than Hagrid is his little brother Grawp and well I guess Wille the Giant. No idea what else this guy is in other than Hagrid. I'm sure he is a well respected English actor but all he needs is Hagrid for the rest of his life. Although I doubt he gets recognized as Hagrid on the street very often since he usually looks like this. Gotta say I dig the beard. It's like Brian Wilson's on acid! (the Brian Wilson link let's you play with his virtual beard)

Rubeus Hagrid (US): Nakia Reynoso
Most people would have said that Jorge Garcia should be the American Hagrid, but that is just a little too obvious. I mean come on the hair and makeup artists need something to do. Nakia was recently on NBC's The Voice where he rocked out every week. I think he would bring some bite to the big cuddly exotic-creature-loving giant. You can get his songs from The Voice on Itunes if you'd like.

Neville Longbottom (UK): Matthew Lewis
Everybody loves Neville. With the surname Longbottom you'd think the poor chap would be scarred for life, but nope turns out studly and kicks wizard butt. Still kinda awkward looking, and has a pet toad so better cast someone similar. 







Neville Longbottom (US): Zach Mills
Which leads me to Zach Mills, he was also in Super 8 with everyones favorite 15 yr old Joel Courtney. I am actually surprised if you have made it this far and not gone to see Super 8 with Joel Courtney. Anywho, Zach. He kinda has rather large ears, looks Neville-ish and looks like he would get A's in Herbology so congrats to you Zach. You are now American Neville.





Draco Malfoy (UK): Tom Felton
Tom Felton is awesome, that is all there is too it. He played bratty Draco: awesome. He played B.A. Draco: awesome. He played conflicted Draco: awesome. He played pathetic and torn Draco: awesome. Also he is going to be in the new Planet of the Apes movie which comes out in August! Very excited about that one. But even if he is awesome in that one, he will always be Draco Malfoy. 




Draco Malfoy (US): Justin Beiber
No no no I did not make this pic because I have caught the fever. I can assure you I have not. However, if this movie wants a chance at making money, this is it's best bet. Beiber fans will flock to the theaters like Dudley to cake (oh now she didn't)! Plus j-Beibs has got one aspect of Draco down: the squeaky voice (oh no she didn't agaaain)! ♫ Harry Harry Harry oooh Harry Harry Harry Noooo Harry Harry Harry ooooh please don't take my wand yeaaah. ♫

Seamus Finnigan (UK): Devon Murray
Devon never really gets his big moment on screen, but he is such a cutie annnnd that accent it makes all his blunders even better so I figured I better add the character to my cast list.




Seamus Finnigan (US): Atticus Shaffer
Only watched bits of his show The Middle, but he is pretty funny and cute like a jelly bean or a small hamster.So he gets to be my Seamus. And even though this is the American version of HP I may just make him attempt an scottish accent anyways.







Professor Quirinus Quirrel (UK): Ian Hart
First of all did anyone know his name was Quirinus? I sure did not. He needs to be cast considering he's the villain in this first movie. No idea who Ian Hart is other than professor Quirrel, if he was smart he would've auditioned for another part, maybe someone who wasn't killed in the first book but I guess something is better than nothing eh Ian? Well you stuttered beautifully and then got creepy pretty fast. PS the first time I saw the movie, I hadn't read the book and you totally had me convinced that you were NOT the bad dude. Props.

Professor Quirinus Quirrel (US): Stanley Tucci
Stanley Tucci is awesome. If I ever met the guy, I'm sure I would like him even more. He's perfect for this role for one, because he's bald. The purple turban will set nicely on his head. Plus he is the good guy that everyone loves, no way he would be mistaken by 3 first years as the evil dude with the dark lord on the back of his head. Oh and speaking of the back of Quirrel's head, I have also cast that: Stanley Tucci a la The Lovely Bones. You see that? Creepiest thing ever. I wouldn't want to mess with that.


Professor Minerva McGonagell (UK): Maggie Smith
Best Teacher Ever. Riiiight Riiiight? ya she is and Maggie Smith has been around for ever. no offense Maggie but I thought you were old in Sister Act and 20 years later you're still around and puttin' dark wizards to shame. Go you.


Professor Minerva McGonagell (US): Julia Roberts
Ok yes she's a little younger but see I always thought that McGonagell and Dumbledore were going to get together. Turns out, according to Rowling, he was gay. So in the American version we need a hotter Minerva and BAM! Albus is in love. Why should Ron and Hermione get all the awkward flirting scenes?






Professor Albus Dumbledore (UK): Richard Harris
Only Dumbledore for two films, but you can't get much more Dumbledore than this man. Plus how awesome is that beard. I think this one even beats Brian Wilson's. I don't really remember but I think the character was suppose to have half-moon spectacles. In America, we shall get that done right.

Professor Albus Dumbledore (US): Morgan Freeman
A black Dumbledore? yes that would be correct. Some may say "that's crazy, there would never be a black Dumbledore." Well naysayers also said that about our President. Lawyered. This is America people! Morgan Freeman played God, so why not Dumbledore. Check out the photo, he's even starting to look a little like the great wizard.



Professor Severus Snape (UK): Alan Rickman
Best. Snape. Evvvvva. You can't beat this guy. That's all I shall write. (also love him in Galaxy Quest)








Professor Severus Snape (US): Billy Zane
Billy Zane. Jerk in Titanic. Tool in The Roomate. Cool Dude in Zoolander. The exact cycle of Snape, well kind of. Slap a wig on that bald head of his and he's Snape. I'm afraid of him but at the same time I can't stop liking the dude.

I understand I left out a handful of characters that were in the movie and probably a truckload that were in the book. So any other suggestions are welcome. I can see it now, the movie would be the "Friday" of theater. We've taken many a things from the Brits: "American" Idol, The Office, our nation. So maybe we can just let them keep Harry Potter. Go America!

Blog Huh?

I recently just finished writing an article for Bison Illustrated (an unofficial athletics publication of NDSU (North Dakota State University (no not the one with the Sioux mascot, the other one in that freezing cold state by Canada))) when I remembered that it was my New Years Resolution to write a blog. Why? I do not know. Maybe it is because I am hoping to find a job in the upcoming year in a Communications related field, maybe I just wanted to give into peer pressure and make a resolution I would never go through with. Until now that is. Seven Months later, not too bad.

Well this first blog doesn't say much, and makes me wonder how I can keep it up after this one, considering I feel my first blog post deserves a free pass from any critics at being horrible.

Did something today,
Rachel