Although the women’s world cup just wrapped up last week and soccer will be forgotten about in this country until next summer’s Olympic Games in London, I am going to make you think about the sport for a little longer. Soccer, as a professional sport, may get its time to shine in the U.S. permanently one day, but not yet. The truth is we only follow it at World Cups, the Olympics or any time when we can cheer for our country against the other nations of the world, trying to flaunt our superiority- what Americans do best. As for professional soccer in the U.S. wellll it exists, but not really. Personally I would watch soccer anytime of the year but most other Americans would rather stare at an American football sitting on the ground than watch the world’s game of futbol on some big schnazzy screen. So I’m going to give 5 reasons why soccer is awesome as well as 5 reasons that it is the worst sport ever. Let’s start with the bad eh’.
Why Soccer Sucks
1.)Running/ Added time
There is nothing better than a last second shot in basketball or watching a field goal being made as time expires. In soccer the remaining added time is only known by one referee. Meaning the end of the game is unknown to spectators, the other refs or even the players. How stupid right? I will never ever ever understand the rest of the world’s reasoning for this style of play, but I doubt there is one. I don't know who started it, but I think the reasoning is to get the game moving. Which is a nice thought, but it doesn't help that matter much.
Also, why do you need to count up? Even if you want to have you’re “added time” system you could still count the regular time down and then the added time down as well. This way everyone knows how much time is remaining and it will add a little excitement to the game. Sure it won’t be a lot of excitement but most of the time soccer could use as much as it can get. Now back to running time, just stop the clock! I know, I know you want to keep the game moving but seriously how much time does it take to press a little button and make the clock stop ticking as the ball goes into the crowd or a player is hurt. I’m guessing some ridiculously small fraction of a second. So just stop the time and we can get rid of added time!
Why Soccer Sucks
1.)Running/ Added timeThere is nothing better than a last second shot in basketball or watching a field goal being made as time expires. In soccer the remaining added time is only known by one referee. Meaning the end of the game is unknown to spectators, the other refs or even the players. How stupid right? I will never ever ever understand the rest of the world’s reasoning for this style of play, but I doubt there is one. I don't know who started it, but I think the reasoning is to get the game moving. Which is a nice thought, but it doesn't help that matter much.
Also, why do you need to count up? Even if you want to have you’re “added time” system you could still count the regular time down and then the added time down as well. This way everyone knows how much time is remaining and it will add a little excitement to the game. Sure it won’t be a lot of excitement but most of the time soccer could use as much as it can get. Now back to running time, just stop the clock! I know, I know you want to keep the game moving but seriously how much time does it take to press a little button and make the clock stop ticking as the ball goes into the crowd or a player is hurt. I’m guessing some ridiculously small fraction of a second. So just stop the time and we can get rid of added time!
2.) Flopping
This is another reason that running time is ridiculous because some players will just milk the clock. Exhibit A: Erika from Brazil vs the U.S. a couple weeks ago. Just watch the video, it is completely ridiculous.
Floppers not only disadvantage the opponent if they take up time but can also get them a yellow card or a red card for something they didn’t do. Exhibit B: THIS VIDEO Watched it? ya, pretty pathetic! and even though these guys can't act any better than Arnold Schwarzenegger or Heidi Montag (they may be slightly better than Keanu Reeves) they usually get the call sadly.
3.)Men’s US team is bad
Our U.S. men’s team is just plain bad at soccer. We simply stink. Turns out we’ve hosted the World Cup as many times as we have placed in it. The 1994 World Cup was held in various locations throughout the U.S. and our team was knocked out in the round of 16, although we did end up losing to the champions- Brazil so yay!? The only time the U.S. placed in the World Cup was in it’s inaugural tournament in 1930. We took third. I'm going to label that as simply beginner’s luck.
4.)Beckham Invasion
When David Beckham shimmied over the pond to play for the LA Galaxy, everyone thought that this was the time for American Soccer. That is everyone except Americans, and probably Beckham. Let's be honest he just wanted some publicity and endorsement deals. He signed a little over 5 years ago and soccer is right where it started. Along with his Spice Girl, Victoria (Posh) Beckham by his side, they lit up the tabloids but it was enough zest to convert Americans over to the sport. Maybe a Spice-Girls reunion concert before each game would bring in some followers! I know I would be there jammin to Wannabe <- video :).... Well let’s hope Beck’s underwear line is doing better than his athletic appeal to Americans. Yes he has an underwear line, I didn't make that up. You know what they say- Brand it like Beckham!
5.)Peewee Soccer
I don’t believe I’ve ever actually been forced to watch such an atrocious sight of non-athleticism, but I truly feel for those who have had to. Even though I’ve never witnessed it I can about imagine. Kick the ball-everyone clumps together around the ball- kick it again- clump together- one kid breaks away- the goalie is twirling around trying to see his butt- wide open shot- the kid misses by 15 ft- repeat.
Why soccer is AWESOME
1.)Player’s Names
I don’t know why, but I think soccer players have awesome names. Maybe it’s because their announcers usually have some sort of accent so they sound cooler. Landon Donovan, Jozy Altidore, Clint Dempsey. Point proven? No, ok I’ll continue. Just look at the women’s world cup roster. Hope Solo, Abby Wambach, Shannon Boxx, Tobin Heath- the lamest name on the roster is Heather Mitts and that is only because with a name like that she shouldn't be a defender, but a goalkeeper!
2.)Goal Celebrations
Thank goodness soccer players have nothing better to do than plan and rehearse post-goal celebrations. They are completely ridiculous but that is why I love them.
1.)Player’s Names
I don’t know why, but I think soccer players have awesome names. Maybe it’s because their announcers usually have some sort of accent so they sound cooler. Landon Donovan, Jozy Altidore, Clint Dempsey. Point proven? No, ok I’ll continue. Just look at the women’s world cup roster. Hope Solo, Abby Wambach, Shannon Boxx, Tobin Heath- the lamest name on the roster is Heather Mitts and that is only because with a name like that she shouldn't be a defender, but a goalkeeper!
2.)Goal Celebrations
Thank goodness soccer players have nothing better to do than plan and rehearse post-goal celebrations. They are completely ridiculous but that is why I love them.
And yes, that dude in the second video just pretended to birth a soccer ball....
Of course the celebration isn’t always one that is choreographed. Take Brandi Cahstain after the world cup victory in 1999. Sure, she got some flak for ripping off her shirt and celebrating in her sports bra, but who cares it was in the moment and without knowing it she created a moment that will last in sports history. And what about Landon Donavon and Abby Wambach’s corner slides in the past two world cups. They both scored clutch goals to keep our cup hopes alive and both created iconic sports memories that will live on.
So maybe American sports organizations (cough cough NFL) can learn to loosen up and allow your players to celebrate a little bit. Sure you can fine idiots like Chad Ochocinco for keeping a pen in his shoe the entire game waiting until he scores to sign a ball. But what's it hurt for Jared Allen to tie a calf or for a little showboating in the endzone.
3.)Highlights
Soccer is most bearable in 2 minutes or less. That is where ESPN and SportsCenter come in. They show every goal usually (considering there are only like 2 or 3 on avg), the best saves and the bad calls. All you need to see. Plus I'll be the first one to admit that soccer players are some of the best athletes on earth just because they are in such good shape. They run around on a huge minute for 90+ minutes with only like 20-30 min half-time. The goals that are scored are usually very athletic and every now and then comes a BICYCLE KICK!!!
Sports Science taught me a little more about why it is so awesome, but I don't really care about the "science" of it I just wanna see more kicks like Wayne Rooney's!!!
(must be the hair plugs) ps turns out there's a website baldcelebrity.com
4.)World Sport
Even though America hasn’t jumped on the band-wagon, the rest of the world has been rockin’ out on the wagon for many many years. Soccer, well I guess in this paragraph I should call it by Futbol, Futbol is the most popular sport in the world. I know this because Wikipedia confirmed it for me! They tell me that over 250 million people play it in over 200 countries, which indeed makes it the most popular game on the planet. This is probably because all you really need to have to play it is some sort of spherical object to play.
If you want to read a good article about soccer and not my blog then check out this story that was in Sports Illustrated a couple years back. Unfortunately this site doesn't show all of the pictures that the article showed but they were amazzzing photographs if I recall. If you wanna check them out sometime the issue has been in my car's backseat for over a year.
5.)Support during world cup/Olympics
Sure we only support US soccer when big events come up, but the support surrounding these events is pretty big. The whole country kind of gets behind our teams, especially if they know we stand a chance. The media, celebrities, presidents all are backing our teams and the nation joins in. So basically the U.S. treats the sport like it is a holiday or birthday. If we celebrated the game in our country continuously these events would not be as special to our nation. Think about it, who cares about our American basketball team during the Olympics? Maybe this is just because we are expected to not only win every year but to dominate each team we play and score 120+ points. Still, our international soccer teams get more buzz than basketball, baseball, etc.
So maybe soccer is just fine the way it is in our country. I do like soccer, and always wished I could play it growing up. Like most girls in the 90's I wanted to be Mia Hamm for a day. But I'd be lying if I didn't say I wasn't primarily a fair-weather fan. So see you next summer USA soccer! I'll get my RW&B ready. Sorry for rambling. Thanks for reading.
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